Saturday, June 20, 2009

Waking up to emptiness


I could not have been clearer in thought than this morning. The reality sparkled as though the first ray of a dawning sun - evident of a new day's beginning. Beyond all the random clutter that spread across the vacuum of my incomplete life's distorted reality perceptions, it now sparkled clear.

Every breath I took in I reminisced about what I had become – a resounding lull sustained with endless logic and reasoning. And in the lull, I stood helpless - What could I do now? In my inability to take a heart's stand on a truth that now appeared as clear as the purest form of faith - I lost her! I had failed myself!

Time was one enemy - a tough adversary, always at its fighting best. I lost the silent war that we all wage with Time that builds false bridges between life’s desires and truth. In time I lost clarity of desire and truth, in time I lost strength, in time We lost faith.

And thus, unlike every morning I knew today, I was waking up to a disturbing emptiness - without her and her assurance of a brighter day beside me. The only other person that could understand my heart's swelling discomfort had His hands full with a world full of people just like me - confused and incapable of clarity to action. I was one of them, but now in clarity I had lost time.

The morning settles into a day as the world wakes up to its attempt at finding clarity and here I stand pleading for another chance at my lost Love. In the search of an answer now I stand helplessly as a dog to its master for food - food to fill a wailing, blank & hungry heart.

Image Courtesy : Luke Chueh

5 comments:

In Serch of ...... said...

You were true !!

D-51 members are going thu a grey patch now a days !!

hope we will come out of it ASAP !!
I know we are beautiful people so we will have beautiful time again !!!

kehna.hai.dotcom said...

hey bro come on...i wil be lying if i say i can understandign the feelings going inside u ..its always unique to one persona and imotional intensity ..

but wht i had done with such situations is to listen to ghazals of jagjit singh and beghum akhtar,closign your door ald the lights swithed off , and then after few days ...u will sing ..samne yeh kaun aaya dil mein hui halchal ...with me it really works ....u try ..

as of knowing self is concerned ..i guess we always pretend we know our likings and dislikings...but i guess very less of know wht we are..its really an ongoing process ..

but your writinsare good ..i would suggest u can try to pen the xpressions in more simple way..just a suggestion ..else its really intense ..

Raj said...

@Darshan & Munish - It was a just a momentary thing that I knew I had no control over. But just that I wanted to write it out.

@Munish - When in doubt, dilemma, confusion, sadness I avoid a few things - Sad Songs, Alcohol or any addictive substance & spending time alone :P It never helps ... Trust me !!

priyanka said...

i totally agree with arun,i too avoid sad things in sad times! they r like a cushion which only reinforce the feeling n nt let it evaporate!! with me this is the case! n arun guess what i cn totally relate with this situation uv described! this happens with me too......!! smtimes that emptiness also brings a smile when gud. memories come! i realized that no matter what we cannot rationalize our feelings n wish we could!! it all seems so stupid sometimes! but this is the case n its a sad case for me!! i wish it gets over one day!!

SAHIL said...

good work. made me remind of my own time.