Friday, May 8, 2009

Men, take your Women more seriously !

Conversation after conversation that I have engaged with women I have been privileged to have the company of in my life, I have observed one thing : the innate power of a woman to endure pain – physical and mental, is by far unmatchable by men. And this I feel makes them more divine than human. If most of them have learnt to live with it then it is not out of feeling physically insecure of surviving without men, but an ability to see things beyond a man's sensibility can perceive – unconditional love.

Observe this in their fights and protests, they will always prefer to not cause pain and any induced suffering. In complete contrast would be a man's position, which is then to take to arms and battle it out. Very few men have been able to understand the value of the women to the society and stand for there cause – Gandhi, Vivekanada, Periyar, and many others. Even though to date their efforts have brought great relief to the oppression on our women, but still the silent battles rage daily.

In the process of natural evolution, the women have by design had to endure a cycle of recurring pain, unimaginable by us men, from – the menstrual monthly cycle to the agonizing physical pain of carrying and delivering a child. And, they take all this in continuity with a smile and very often say 'Oh it nothing!' Add to this a brain that is able to reason and rationalize, they can then only take the pain with a pinch of salt and accept it as is.

Be it your mother, sister, friend, girl friend or wife, they all endure this with minimal protest. It was destined that the women were the ones who had to bear the burden of sustaining us. Their wombs are the holy grail of our existence. Imagine if all the women went on strike!

And when they expect a little sensitivity from our end, it becomes difficult for us to put forth. Is it that we as men presume we are the ones that are tougher and more capable of handling pain? A rare broken arm, a wound or a punch clot is only a one time pain. Imagine then if you had to have a finger broken on your good hand every month?

Beyond nature's bestowed responsibilities of sustaining our species, if that was not a challenge enough, they had to be enforced with another challenge! They now also had to become - by definition of society and communities by us men – the keepers of the moral system. Think about it, who really defines these values & systems!

They had to restrain their sexuality and chastity, while the men could then wander around defining their own moral system. They are trained and conditioned by resolved force, to restrain their desires and drive to express, so as not to add to competition in a man's world. But a man, questions and reasons at every chance he gets to find and establish his expression above all other. And he is presumed to be the one with the greater understanding of the intricate system of right and wrong.

In religion and all forms of belief systems, there are a larger number of women who engage to sustain these systems. But then again when it comes to religious leadership, it has then to be the men who lead from the front. The messenger of God almost always has to be a man, the woman then is only 'bestowed with the honor of bearing the child'. Ironical but true!

In a Hollywood or Bollywood flick, the damsel has always to be in distress and the man has to come and protect her. Especially in Bollywood flicks, the damsel is almost always a character with minimal depth of character, is good for two things – dancing to a raunchy item number or crying 'help' while the villain scurries her away. And if you take a middle-eastern movie, to identify a woman you have to look for the long burkha robes and would always be found as a silent acceptor of commands and orders; as if a soldier stand covered in full camouflage.

A deeper look into countless other traditions, perceptions, belief and systems followed by us will indicate that there is a sub-conscious desire of the system to somehow suppress women, as though they are a threat.

Today we are at a relative peak of crimes and acts of violence against our women. We are in fear of separation from our women, for they could not protect themselves. I feel us as men need to take a greater responsibility towards our Women than to just secure them physically. We need to give them an equal opportunity to see the world the way we, as men, see it – The World of Opportunities to Express! They sure deserve it and I believe more than we do!

These words are in the honor of the many great women that I have been honored to have loved and lived with as friends and family and their ever-flowing rivers of love. A special note to my Mom & two lovely sisters – Veena & Vidya!

Again, to the all the men out there take your Women more seriously!

(Image Credits: AP Photo/Gurinder Osan)


Averick said...

awesome writing buddy .. keep it going .. n definitely an imp lesson for us :)

Easy Adoption said...

Nice write up! rare men have such rare sentiments! :)

debamitro said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
In Serch of ...... said...

all the thoughts are real good in a way that you believe that women bear more pain than a men and more tough than men.being a wife to a mother or giving birth to a child after 9 months of care at womb or those monthly cycles etc etc .
and somehow i always agree on that Women are more tougher and near to devine than men !!

But But But .. what Debomitro has said in above comment is correct actually ,
1. Are we any authority above women who will give equal opprtunity to them , i don't think we are ..

and the first and second point of him .

So you need to correct that langugae also :)

but over all very nice and clear thoughts on this very important issue .


Raj said...

@ Anant & Deepti - Thanks for your comments :)

Raj said...

@ Darshan & Debamitro -

1. The idea of mentioning 'Your Women' starts with the acceptance of the notion that we all have our mothers, sisters and friends that we as men are related to and as some great people like Gandhi has indicated - Cleaning up starts from Home! On a daily basis I drive my sisters to think independently and develop an opinion of their own even if the system conditions them otherwise. And today I can proudly say that they are capable of doing that much. Even if I have not been able to help many other ladies I have known. And NO, in no means do I intend to say that they are posses ions of any form. But I am intend to imply that 'Start at Home'!

2. I have not understood your second question. But I would like to clarify the point in contention here. Compassion is not an easy state of mind and it is the ultimate of all human emotions. This clearly is not a forte of men.

3. I wish to state here that we as men have assumed and designed a world which is conducive for us. Evolution has made the world outside the home - The Man's world. There is a systemic conditioning that is part of our environments that stereotype women to assume particular roles & expectation of behavior in the society. This then directly prevents them a chance at equal opportunity.

But yes, we are an authority; of our own decisions and positions at least. If we accept, understand and change our own flawed world views (towards an equal opportunity world for women) then we stand to have a shot at providing them the chance. The authority does not make us anybody but a better human being with a more compassionate self.

debamitro said...

Good thinking and good writing, Arun, so think about these as well:
1. Have you wondered why there is a 'your women' in the title? Does this mean that a woman 'belongs' to a man, or that a woman can be 'possessed'?
2. You have written something like 'And when they expect a little sensitivity from our end ...' Have you wondered if this means women have to depend on sensitivity and respect from men?
3. You have written 'We need to give them an equal opportunity ...' if we believe they should have an equal opportunity, shouldn't we just accept it when they take opportunity, rather than 'give' it to them? We are not any authority above them, are we?

I think you don't think these, your writing betrays that such ideas are common in society -- what do you think?

richa said...

I totally agree with debo . :D

harish said...

Very nice man.. you really write good . Every man should think like this b'coz our thoughts can change whtever the wrong happened with women. We people should realise the value of women.
Good going and keep continue the writing....

Rashi said...

nice write up :)
seems u hav had a deep thought abt potraying women the way the r..........
nd yes u r completely suceesful....keep it up

Anonymous said...

nice wirte up again from you...

aslo seems u have done a lot of research and observed women very deeply....

hope all men think this way...and respect women in the same way..keep it going!!!

maria said...

its too gud!! its for all thoz men to realize tht we women r not jus doormats to thr desires.... we have a voice ...mayb not loud enuf for thm to hear...but not silent tht they completely ignore it... superb wrk da... u hav to gt this out to a larger mass..editorial columns or so.... gr8 potential ..gr8 wrk!! =)

selva ganapathy said...

Wonderful compilation of some nice observations. I agree with the comment of Debo. In fact i just logged to post the same comment of Who are we men to provide them opportunity? But its already be posted and discussed as well:-). A few thoughts are really touchy. I feel every men should atleast try and respect their opposite sex. They do and bear much more than what men do! I adore my mom for same.

selva ganapathy said...

I want to write more but the words in mobile is restricting :-). Will post more from home.

Raj said...

@Selva/Debo/Richa - If you noticed my position on your common point of "who are men to give opportunity?" this is how I would respond ...

"But yes, we (Men) are an authority; of our own decisions and positions at least. Much like 'Be the change you want to see in the world!' And by authority never means to control and establish a ruling on a point but then you have authority over who you are at least. (And so it may not apply to you as an man with similar opinions as me, but the larger majority of others who are insensitive to this.)

If we (men) accept, understand and change our own flawed world views (towards an equal opportunity world for women) then we stand to have a shot at providing them (women) the chance. The authority or responsibility does not make us anybody, but a better human being with a more compassionate self."

Anonymous said...

firstly this is an overkilled subject to talk about. The united nations development programme has done this kind of stuff without blogging an inky-pinky-ponky about it.

2ndly understand the fact that "gender" and "gender equality" are two different things. And it's not just about women. consider men there as well and some unlucky ones too - the eunuchs.

Thirdly, try doing something at the grass root level. Let change begin with you. You being a techie and that too a philosophical one can start doing macro-planning. Build a macro-planning instrument that integrates gender analysis at your work place and then specifies the gender equality results. If the results are in your favour, leave your job and donate it to a needy techie. and make sure she's a women.

Also gender inequality is a key driver of the AIDS epidemic. It increases the vulnerability of women to HIV infection and intensifies the burden of AIDS on women and girls. So keep "rubber" for sure.

Pray to lord sherawali daily. And recite durga chalisa 107 times every sunday.

Last but not the beast. Some of the world's most developed nations never had a women in power for a very long time. and FYI in sikkim the women folks head the house.

Also, read the Argumentative Indian. It'll clear the smog.

And I don't get this. What makes you talk about child birth and stuff. That's the system dude. Why don't you talk about the pain during the coercion. Is that a battle too?

And what belief-system book have you read? Athena was the godess of wisdom. read about her :)

Too much waste of protoplasm here. If you really wanna get more comments, and also talk about women power then travel to pakistan and meet mukhtar mai. Get an interview and publish.

IEEE said...
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Anonymous said...

Very nice write up!!:) :)
Wonderful expressions are used to express gratitude and respect towards women.
Every man should learn from this. :) :)

Abu said...


I would love to see the comment by
Debomitro especially since I have read th reply from "in search of"...

The writing remind me of "Rudyard Kipling" who once commented about India as a land to be uplifted by the white people....I dnt enjoy it..hope you dint as well...

The writing is like pleading for sympathy towards women.If they are so strong and powerfull (as you have stated) do you think they will enjoy this writing.??

Do you think a powerful person would like a plead for support like this one?.....Do you think that an einstien would have come up if he got support from his school? Do you think mother theresa came up because of reservations and support from her family?....
The strongest in this world have always been the one without any support..

Power, position strength pain are all based on comparison. It would be futile to go a comparison where no template holds solid ground for comparison among genders.

A fuller life...? a More enjoyable life...? This is the very base upon which every industry exploited us. Do you really believe freedom from anything and everything would bring out full happiness...????

There is nothing of best and always a better to achieve the best....

debamitro said...

I have made only one comment. I only edited some typos. Since blogspot doesn't allow you to edit comments -- I deleted it and added it again.

Your reminding of the "white man's burden" idea is apt in this context. Many people in 'social service' organisations also have this idea -- I think they need to grow out of it.

Raj said...

@Selva - To your comment 'I feel every men should at least try and respect their opposite sex.'

Respect only comes when there is an understanding of each others needs and thoughts. Once the understanding is established respect is but natural. This then surely is mutual at best to succeed.

The women have known to be ones that sacrifice more and they are expected to in the system even today. She is expected to put down her dreams & desires for the family & community, etc. This is what has to change. And if the the lead to any family & community is the man mostly then, if the man's perspective does not change then nothing will.

Thus I say, "If we (men) accept, understand and change our own flawed world views (towards an equal opportunity world for women) then we stand to have a shot at providing them (women) the chance."

Raj said...

@ Abu - I will have to write another blog to counter your argument ... :)

SAHIL said...

wonderful stuff.

Crazy Mind said...

arey ladkiyan koi itni sidhi nahi hoti ki aaj kal chup chap sunti hai and when they speak they try not to hurt...women is a very complex character I feel..and difficult to understand. But at the same time these qualities make them so unique, sometimes respectful, sometimes ugly...But Yes there are some..or should I say many culture sects where women are still treated the way you mentioned...that is definitely worth bringing good work

nayani said...

Amazing and a mindblowing amalgamation of thoughts..y didnt you tell me about this one earlier?
Strangely so,we have men like you in the society where there is no dearth of MCPs too!
Anyhow,hats off!

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

first time on your blog. I have to say, i am touched.

amazing, and that too coming from a man, makes it priceless!