Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Living off a Cliff – My Cliff Jumping Experience

As I was pulled towards the ground, a strong and unfamiliar type of fear had taken me over. The support under my feet had just vanished for a few seconds and it felt like that moment in itself was a teacher of Buddha proportions. I had jumped off with the expectation of a different consequential fear that the height had spurred in me as I had a fear of heights, but now I felt another fear. The fear as I felt now was more akin to a state of insecurity and then of being connected to a force beyond my mortal control.

The cliff though was only 20 feet high still gave a good 3 seconds of free fall before you landed. As the rafting experience and its multiple rushes, gushes & twirls had not enthused me, I was growing disappointed as it was almost the end of the 12 mile stretch. While I was not in a mood to try this part of the experience (Cliff jumping), that I had paid for, a voice inside me roared onto me and drove me to give it a try.

I climbed the cliff which was now crowded by a bunch of people who wished to experience the thrill of the jump. As I climbed now, the voice inside my head that squeaks & squeals at the thought of a height and consequentially numbs out my feet turning it cold, cried to be let alone, but the experimental & adventurous part of me found an empowerment. The empowerment came from the fact of nature that ‘Everything that has a beginning has an end!’

I saw a few others jumping off and especially noticed this great friend of mine (Darshan) preparing for his second jump and soaked to his every goose-bump on the rush that he got from the moment. A lovely lady I know (Aakanksha), who I had felt had a strong adventurous streak about her pulled back abruptly right before my turn had come. With that, the squealing voice inside me got louder for the final two seconds before I finally jumped.

I was saturated in the rush of the moment with so many voices in conflict and excitement. The moment had now come, and then, I launched myself. Now as I fell towards the water, my fear of height somehow ceased to exist, but then, this new fear that had released its pangs into me. I was being pulled by a force I could not fight towards the ground and I lost my sane senses which knew that there was a life jacket protecting me from drowning.

The first second doused my adventurous spirit in fear. I felt heavy as if my feet were tied to a mountain and I was dropped from the highest point on earth that was humanely habitable. I was now waiting fervently for a foot holding, a chance to kiss the earth and secure myself.

In the next second, I grew to accept the fact that any consequence was inevitable. I started losing hope now and expecting the inevitable to happen. I started to gain the power to let myself loose and feel the moment.

In the third second, I felt the force that I realized and came to terms with that which was beyond my control and let myself to its mercy. And, by the time I was splashing lower into the water now, I was feeling enlightened and a sense of liberty from my mortal conflicts. I now felt closer to God and a peace that was unparalleled.

And now that I look back to that moment, I have come to learn and accept with much more conviction of the need to let go and live the moment. Being able to experience life, beyond our own blindly assumed and presumed acceptance of expected outcomes then, is as important as breathing in air into our lungs. The assumptions and presumptions have limited our scope of possibilities and we all need to douse them and look beyond them to the world of unlimited possibilities – The land of hope and faith.


Tony said...

Please be careful while doing this..!!!!!!!

So nia said...

Same Pinch!!