Friday, May 18, 2007

Very Simply LOST !!

Treading paths new and old,
I found many truths untold to me.

Paths there were, I could not take
With assured bright ,but dim lit.

People shared many ways they thought right;
And I took many I thought right.

I felt, I lost, myself in a foggy night,
But then that was only that one night.

The morning broke and a shady spite
Which few hoped would bring new hope; but never shined.

It still is a journey for a sweet truth,
Eclipsed but only by a focus blur; I believe.

I tread now with first hope ,to find first
A pair of spectacles, to fix my sight, then a torch to find the final bright.


... On a Journey ! ...

Arun Raj

4 comments:

Priy said...

*** 'to be' can be skipped in second line..

There were paths I could not take
With assured bright ,but dim lit.

***Paths there were, i couldn't take... it sounds me nicer this way ;P
Please explain the second line here


People told many ways they thght rite;
And I took many I thought right.

*** Hmm... These lines could have structured better...

I felt I lost myself in a foggy nite,
But then that was only that 1 nite.

***Try to avoid these sms jargons (nite, rite...) ..

The morning broke and a shady spite
Which few hoped would bring new hope;but never shined.

It still is a journey for a sweet truth
Eclipsed but only by a focus blur; I believe.

I tread now with first hope ,to find
First a specs, to fix my sight, then a torch to find the final bright.

***'a specs' is grammatically incorret.

I must say very few poeple could dare to tag this 'journey of truth' as sweet :P

Besides, I like the determination & self confidence of this pathfinder to take the challenge & risk of following his own chosen way...

Liked reading this..

Raj said...

I loved the critique ..

This was actually created on SMS on my mobile .. and built on notepad finally .. NO serious thought into structuring .. Just on expressing my emotions !! :D

selva ganapathy said...

"The morning broke and a shady spite
Which few hoped would bring new hope; but never shined."

realy true... people always hope that hope will bring'em some change.... never attempted or tried harder to achieve the hope....

Objective of this poem???? from your point is missing I think

Raj said...

Selva - This person is on a journey and the journey is till on and has not ended. I am talking about the kind of experiences he needs to endure and get over on this diffcult path. :D