Life, Musings, Misadventures, Epiphanies by Arun Raj

Will you still love me When I’m no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me When I got nothing but my aching soul? I know you will, I know you will I know that you will Will you still love me when I’m no longer beautiful?  ~ Lana Del Ray, Soundtrack - The Great Gatsby ( Lyrics ) Think about someone you love, think about the precise moment you fell in love with them or realised how important they were to you. That moment of lucidity, when you knew there they are and nothing can take the moment away from you. We go through our lives rarely experiencing such moments of clarity & pure elation. A moment of childlike naivety & deeply ingrained sense of faith that things are just going to be perfect. A moment when judgement, the future and survival did not matter. Then you see children who live in a similar state of lucidity, a lways about constantly moving forward &  always in love - giving without reason, and getting attached without reason. And ...

When was the last time something MAGICAL happened to you? ... The twinkling eyes of surprise, honest eagerness, the midnight oil, the elation of possession of something awaited or the presence of a loved one and all those little things that made everyday feel like a romance with life, are lost somewhere. These are for sure unromantic times! These are times when we fail to remember the last time we felt things were magical enough to make us feel reality as only a passing and that there is something greater and better. I wish I could be there on spring afternoons when eager children awaited the keeper to go off sight, to break into a protected mango orchard, armed with self-made catapults & stones. Mango trees with branches heavy of ripe fruit - a bright pleasant sight - struck free of their weight by the children who then devour the mangoes – a fresh yellow & green. My fervent heart fantasizes the times when love letters and stolen moments captured in poetry were treasured as m...

As some wise people have said, ‘Friends are family you get to chose!” I can stand testimony to this and claim that some of my closest friends are as good as Family to me. And above this, a Woman as a friend tends to be more to both man or woman than just a passing commentator on what you should do and not do. They take up every role that can be thought of – as the cushions that support your fall, as a mother that cares for you, as a sister who stands by you no matter what & a friend that fights for you. These here are few Women whom I respect for their abilities to spread hope, love and yet stand unfazed through difficulties. Rupa Bidap – Counsel, Great Friend & Cynic Extraordinaire This irreverent petite lady packs quite a punch and can easily be passed on as irrelevant, but that is until she speaks her mind out. Her calculated irreverence has the strength to overwhelm any opponent that comes within her ring of fire. Making her the perfect person to set the sails of senses int...

Working at Prayas I have seen my share of instant gratification searching individuals. But then there have been a few people who I have worked with in the past 3+ years tenure as a volunteer for AID Prayas, whose work and value cannot be justified by words. Today on Women's day I would like to highlight some individual ladies without whom Prayas as it is today would not have been so. These ladies have all the basic traits of any woman - Compassionate, Caring, Devoted, & yet much more. Charu Garg This write up is going to give her the shock of her life but this really what i think of her. All the arguments and nonsense talk that we do apart, I have seen this lady grow in devotion to the children of Prayas and also shown a keen but dispassionate & balanced position for the activities at Prayas. Without much talk and all action I am floored by the self-driven motivation she has under the pressures she face from home and parents. Linkan Subudhi This one is a fighter lady. Wi...

For me 0.001% is still hope that there is a chance of a better tomorrow. This Women’s day I wish to raise a toast and shower my adoration to the women that have given me this hope, stood for & by me as an angel when I needed support and taught me compassion. In this first part, I wish to let my hearts love flow out for my Mother & my two lovely sisters - the most important people in my life. This series of adoration will have two more parts - one for some individual women who have influenced who I am today and have been close to me and the third part will cover a few my favorite & inspiring ladies of Prayas. My Mother Oliver Wendell Holmes quote: ~ Youth fades; love droops; the leave of friendship fall, A mother's secret hope outlives them all. ~ Unlike the many ephemeral / passing statements of hope that we receive in our moments of low, as Oliver Wendell rightly states in his quote, a mother’s silent hope and devotion stands tall and gets us through the drear and dr...

Times of Unhope and distress spread wide, When breaketh loose, hell’s Mistress on Earth’s crust. While many action-less, uncouth in passion to lace our souls, She reigns and maims bodies and souls. The mistress of hell declares to have achieved a feat, With her command over lay souls, she defeats Sometimes true souls in light of Love and Faith, With her warriors Distrust, Deceit, Pride and Greed. What began as a bout of a common ego, Takes a trip that severs ties across obscure boundaries. Some go To the fields of fray on the whims of others, Convinced of a better tomorrow with the end of another’s. Layman ignorance of many a low soul Have been cause for one too many a gaping hole. A generation maimed but breathing, in the terror of a moment Lost in time but scarred in permanence; for another – indifferent! The plight of War is now one chance to prove, What for one is Truth and what another may disapprove. But in this toil between the Mistress and Truth Be aware though, doeth innocent ...

Eve teasing, as I see it, spans from simple eye-balling (staring), to more verbal confrontations and physical assaults. I see eve teasing, in the Indian context, as stemming from the sheer ignorance of the aam-Indian household's stigma about sex. The hypocritical nature of post-colonial Indian ideologies juxtaposed with globalization presenting alternative worlds to our 'conservative' junta, distorts the craving / need for understanding the most basic of our instincts – the need to breed, pure hormonal drives. The suppressing of such hormonal drives and not being able understand feelings I deem as a latent motivator to the expression of these drives through media like brothels, dance bars & eve-teasing. This instinctive drive making men vulnerable to such deep cravings and drives them to explore these feelings. This craving is natural and equally certain to be possessed by men from the most refined families of the societies to the men of lowest end of income levels. It...

Conversation after conversation that I have engaged with women I have been privileged to have the company of in my life, I have observed one thing : the innate power of a woman to endure pain – physical and mental, is by far unmatchable by men. And this I feel makes them more divine than human. If most of them have learnt to live with it then it is not out of feeling physically insecure of surviving without men, but an ability to see things beyond a man's sensibility can perceive – unconditional love. Observe this in their fights and protests, they will always prefer to not cause pain and any induced suffering. In complete contrast would be a man's position, which is then to take to arms and battle it out. Very few men have been able to understand the value of the women to the society and stand for there cause – Gandhi, Vivekanada, Periyar, and many others. Even though to date their efforts have brought great relief to the oppression on our women, but still the silent battles r...

While wondering about the relationship of time to life and the consequences of the variants of the existential dilemma we all go through in life, I could not help but conclude this. Life is a consequence of time and time a consequence of an existential doubt. I saw the existential doubt as an apt metaphor for the daily doubts and conflicts we keep having, which is summed up pretty simply by Shakespeare as ‘To be or not to be’. Most of our doubts, daemons and conflicts can be categorized as 'Should I be myself or conform by expectations form me?' or 'What if I do this and what if I don't?'. And in the process of this of conflict spend a great amount of quality time. TIME then becomes the consequence of the EXISTENTIAL DOUBT. On Existential doubt, one of the founders of this philosophy comments: What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except in so far as a certain knowledge must precede every action. The thing is to under...

We at Prayas to date have successfully admitted and processed more than 35 children to a better state of academic schooling than what they had previously. Recently, during one of those admitting sessions, we had compulsorily asked the parents to join their children to the school for the process. Five children along with their mother and father came along even though it was already time for the parents to go off to work. The admission process began with a few questions about their family and other details. One excited child stood there, as she was asked questions by the principal, clutching onto and playing with her skirt. She stood there part smiling and part confused while she abruptly glanced at him. Then, I noticed him! There stood a father, next to his child. From his expressions I noticed that he could have been deeply contemplating and calculating the outflow of his monthly wages towards his child's education, the bills, the food, etc. In the moment that froze in front...

As I was pulled towards the ground, a strong and unfamiliar type of fear had taken me over. The support under my feet had just vanished for a few seconds and it felt like that moment in itself was a teacher of Buddha proportions. I had jumped off with the expectation of a different consequential fear that the height had spurred in me as I had a fear of heights, but now I felt another fear. The fear as I felt now was more akin to a state of insecurity and then of being connected to a force beyond my mortal control. The cliff though was only 20 feet high still gave a good 3 seconds of free fall before you landed. As the rafting experience and its multiple rushes, gushes & twirls had not enthused me, I was growing disappointed as it was almost the end of the 12 mile stretch. While I was not in a mood to try this part of the experience (Cliff jumping), that I had paid for, a voice inside me roared onto me and drove me to give it a try. I climbed the cliff which was now crowded by a bun...

Why did I feel that? I have always felt that people are inherently good. I truly and deeply believe, there is somewhere deep inside them a lost innocence and beauty, as if a new born baby - peaceful, naive and calm. A state where doubts, fears, worries & discontent dissolves into inexistence. Actions here are not influenced or intimidated into being, they are but following a natural course of life's happenings. Abstract and confusing is it? Yes, because you may feel you have not felt this exact state or will never be able to feel it. But you may not be correct in presuming that fact. Notice and observe the precise moments before you drift into deep sleep after a day of hard work. When all sounds around you, however disturbing they may be, would not be able to upset your tired drowsy eyes shutting down. Notice that peaceful moment when you wake up early in the morning as the sun rises and a gleaming ray breaks through and pierces your eyelids as if a blessing in disguise. You fe...

There are times in life when we just need to let go. There are things that happen to us which are completely beyond our control. No matter what we do to counter it, it just tends to happen eventually. Then all our efforts towards stopping it seem futile and we lose hope. Here comes that over/under-rated superior being we all, with all due respect, call GOD. Being lost in contemplation, deep in the worry of things beyond our control we fret and panic at simple things. Daily activities seem like a chore and hope seems dead and beyond reach. Being here is the most difficult part as whatever another person tells you, you are just not able to hear it. You are lost in the noise that your incapacitating worry has caused you. 'Where am I?' a voice inside you cries out in search for an answer. You are but only ripe to hear a simple, lost voice called the inner voice or the voice from inside you. Some also comfortably call it - The voice of God, even others that call it the 'hear...

The Origin of the Chocolate Theory: Ok chocolates are known to be sinful indulgence and an aphrodisiac. I have been a loyal & indulgent fan of chocolates and enjoy every moment spent from opening the wrapper to relishing the last bit of it with complete surrender. And so while in a silent moment of centered & focussed indulgence, it struck me one day - the 'Chocolate theory', as if an apple on Newton's head. How uncanny but similar is the nature of Chocolate to the nature of the human Feminine? The Theory states that: " Chocolate & the human Feminine have a resemblance in its existential definition. Chocolate's nature may, based on prominent characteristics be extrapolated to the nature of the human feminine. The feminine nature prominently reflects certain scientifically proven pleasures & consequences of the consumption of Chocolate which we will see in the flow of this theoretical blogumentary about the Chocolate theory. " Here is an interes...